"I thought we were going to have a thirty minute head start!"


"It's not my fault Dick Simmons needed trail advice. And there were virgins!"

"Hand Pump can take care of the virgins. Or Three Fingers. Or Tuna."

"I had virgins taking care of virgins. Virgins recruiting virgins. One virgin took their vest off and inside... another virgin."

"Sounds like a Circle Jerk."

"No, he's haring with Wash This Asshole soon. Did you give Muff Daddy the maps?"

"The ones with YBF written all over them in red ink? Yes. Did you remember to call the crane for Hoseblower?"

"No, but I saw Fucker practicing his discus toss using Fuck Buddy. They'll manage. Did you hear Uber Luber is back tonight?"

"Do you think he forgot to check the hareline?"

"I think some people enjoy our trails!"

"..."

"..."

"I hope we get lots of hashers. Gobble My Ass, Big Cock Chains, and Cheese Turd looked like they were both nauseated yet excited at the prospect. Gloryhole treats the Presidio like his second home, and I think Just Sam has moved into town."

"Just as long as we put down enough flour so not even Eat My Pussy gets lost. Remember, blobs every 20-30 paces, more if we are off the beaten path."

"Don't quote the haring advice at me, I edited it!"

"Did you remember to arrange for the street closure?"

"No, I need to rely on the horns to know how close the pack is. Besides, it's not like Sweaty Betty is gong to just dive in front of traffic."

"Don't worry, no matter how well Look Who's Coming to Dinner's pooch can sniff out hares--I hid a backcheck just for One and Done and Muppet Dick, and there are some great restroom opportunities that will trip up Port-a-Hottie."

"I put down the blackberry vines for Meat Hall of Fame, and the stairs are set for Just Lauren. Not sure we can do anything about the lack of poop, though."

"I think Rocky Bowel Movement and Boner Marrow will like the new swingers spot. You know, years ago we used to do a lot more swinging around here."

"Back in the Mesozoic era?"

"..."

"So... where are we putting the first check? "