Allahu Aqbark stared up into the sky in confusion. The pack milled around the check in a similar state, most ignoring the slight spattering of rain that ran with the sweat down their cheeks. Dick Simmons knelt down beside him, readying his camera for a selfie, but Allahu Aqbark whined and moved away. Dick Simmons always got his bad side. To be fair, Allahu Aqbark was still a bit grumpy from leaving the brass pony statue behind at the start-- he had found that it had such interesting... character.
Buck Fucka pelted by, with Miss Delivery hot on his trail. They all started to run again, traversing the Mission and heading over to Potrero Hill. Saigon Sally looked upwards into the sky and slowed for a moment, pointing.
Allahu Aqbark stared in confusion at the arcing grey lines. He could never understand humans, but he couldn't stop himself from trying.
"You know," Cuming Mutha said to him as they ran, "they say there's a pot of gold at the end of that."
"St. Paddy's Day was last week," Fucker muttered as he bolted past them, with Eat My Pussy close behind.
Allahu Aqbark snorted a query.
"Leprechauns are supposed to guard the gold there," Cuming Mutha explained. "Finder's keepers."
Allahu Aqbark didn't understand leprechauns or gold, and he only understood half of what Cuming Mutha said, but finding something and keeping it was right up his alley. He bolted to the side, headed straight towards the end of the rainbow falling on Bernal. Masterbaster, helpless to resist, stumbled after him along with a good half of the pack.
"Where are they going?" wondered Wee Wee Wee All The Way Home. Do Her Well shrugged. "It can't go that way. That way's short, flat, and straight towards the beer check." They continued undaunted towards SFGH.
Meanwhile, Allahu Aqbark increased his tempo, forcing Masterbaster to grab out for a nearby pole to slow them down. Fortunately his hands landed on a passerby instead, and she was swept up along with them. "Sorry," he said helplessly to his new virgin. "Do you know about Bay to Blackout?"
Udder Moron sped up alongside, grabbing Allahu Aqbark's leash. But they had already reached his goal-- Bernal Heights, the beer check, and most importantly, the end of the rainbow.
"Whipped cream?" I'm Drunk offered, and Masterbaster declined for them both. "He's lactose intolerant."
Which was an utter lie, but Allahu Aqbark didn't care. He was on the hunt, and as Masterbaster focused on obtaining beer, Allahu Aqbark slipped quietly from his grasp.
Heracknophobia tried to delay him with pets, but he could smell his prey already. A quick dart, a fast snap of the jaws, and the tiny leprechaun was between his paws. It looked exactly like a mouse.
Allahu Aqbark nosed at it gently, and it stared up at him in utter fright.
"Hey, my thong's here!" Stinky Floss cried with delight. She held up the garment to Muff Daddy's nose. "See! Eau de Bad Touch."
He took a long inhalation. "No discount. DUES!"
Meanwhile, Shoeless Joe Jackson felt something scuff his foot and glanced down. "My ID! Thank god, I haven't seen it since last Bay to Blackout!"
Next to him, two married virgins cried with delight as they found their iPhone. "Masturbating has been such a pain without these naked photos of you," the husband said. "Why didn't you just take more?" she asked, and slapped him when he didn't answer.
"My blow up sex doll!" exclaimed Vagina Dentata. "I haven't seen you since... yesterday in Portland!" He hugged his goat tightly.
"Hey, boobies!" Backside Banger cried as Roman Showers approached him with a homemade Blow Job between her breasts. He bolted past her and licked Perfect Woman's whipped cream covered chest thoroughly.
"Why haven't I found a prize?" groaned Raspukin, then cried with delight at the sight of a perfectly clean plastic bottle on the side of the hill. "Time to take my growler home!"
"I hope everyone else finds the beer check," Now I Know My STDs said to I'm Drunk.
The leprechaun groaned with exertion under Allahu Aqbark's paw. This final act, it seemed, was too much for even him. Allahu Aqbark looked at him, and barked a final request, one for his own personal "pot of gold." Finally, he released his small prey, which scampered off across the hill.
"Masterbaster, I think he caught a mouse," Chicken Bone Her called out. "But he just let it go."
"Stan's a gentle soul," Masterbaster fondled his ears, and Allahu Aqbark whined in agreement. They all walked back to the start, the dregs of the pack running past them to get their first sip of beer.
There was plenty of that, orange food, and virgins to go around, and not even the slightest bit of drizzle could deter the crowd from having a good time.
"DFL, DFL!" the crowd cried, as Brown Eye joined them at last.
"Didn't you all try to look for me?" he complained. "Twin Peaks was horribly marked." He grumbled a bit while getting his beer, finally joining the group for the rest of circle.
Luckily there were virgins enough to put a smile back on even his face, and circle disbanded just in time for the rain to truly start.
"That's funny," remarked Glory Hole through the torrential downpour. "Wasn't there a statue of a pony here?"
By that time, Masterbaster had already made it home. Allahu Aqbark darted through his front door, down the back stairs to the patio's hot tub, jumping in to enjoy the warmth with his new best brass friend.
And Brown Eye took off into the darkness, hurrying away with a full pack on his back. Something clinked on the ground after him, and Hand Pump bent to pick it up. "You dropped something!" he called, but there was no reply. He turned to gold coin over in his hands. "Huh," he said, turning towards The Knockout. "I guess drinks are on me."
Every rainbow has two ends, after all.