Disclaimer: No real Muff Daddy's were used or are depicted in the dramatization of this trash.

“The fisting continues unabated,” Vagina Dentata reported grimly. “We’ve been pounded relentlessly by this mixture of fog and mist, and not even Circle Jerk can see an end in sight. Top scientists Cum Test Dummy and E=McFucked have suggested a little bit of spit into the atmosphere will smooth things out—"

“That was banned in Alameda,” Muff Daddy said glumly. “Next story.”

“Right,” Wine Rack took over. “There’s a new training tip Sexxx-ray has for getting done with those nasty running events in no time at all.”

“Also banned,” Muff Daddy sounded a buzzer. “When the thousandth person had the wrong distance they figured out something was up.”

“In nature news, tonight we will take you to McLaren Park to check out some amazing eucalyptus groves,” Cockamole smiled winningly.

“Demolished because they were falling on people and killing them,” Muff Daddy shrugged.

“Well you can still enjoy a very fine phallic blue water tower,” Five Angry Inches gestured into the wall of fog behind them.

“Actually, trail doesn’t quite go that way,” Fucker pointed out drolly.

“Thank you, I was just about to say that,” Muff Daddy nodded.

“Fine,” said Wine Rack. “Three Fingers can’t crank it anymore, and Medium Sized Balls of Fire is too damp for words. Miss Delivery is where I expect my latest Amazon package is, and Dick Ass Mother Fucker couldn’t convince Meat Hall of Fame to show up for the finale. Damien the Antichrist saw at least one Gloryhole tonight, which was at least two too few, and Muppet Dick hasn’t learned anything at all about Wash This Asshole, an utter shame. Hoseblower documented all the dilapidated greenhouses in SF that could be used for housing, while Jack The Ripper has done the math to show it’ll never happen. And that’s the shitty news.”

“Bravo!” shouted Muff Daddy.

“What about the Marathon beer check?” Who’s Your Daddy asked.

“Reports say that Hand Pump, Cockamole, Sir Menage-a-Lot, Do Her Well, Muff Daddy, and Blowfish reached several hundred thirsty r*nners and saved at least five of them from severe forms of alcohol deprivation.” Wine Rack reported, to the cheers of Cuming Mutha, One and Done, Wham Bam Thank You Tam, and Just Grant. “Any comments, Mr. Muff Daddy?”

“No, it actually turned out quite well,” Muff Daddy told her. “Except for the dead possum Hand Pump hid in the SF sewer system.”

The End