The waning gibbous moon shone its rays on a pack of 57.5 hashers and 3 bitches as they raced through GG Park’s trails. They all came out to honor the Veterans and the departed hashers: Muff Snatcher and Voyeur. A big shout to Fucker, Cuming Mutha and On All Fours for putting together this awesome trail and exceptional drink check. I know V & MS were in the 6th level of hell having a beer and smiling at us.
It's 5:00 PM and I can feel my men-strual cramps amping up, my back aches and my mood is as dark as the early night. My body screams “You shouldn't be running under these conditions." I respond “Fuck You .... I'm running the Veterans, Voyeur and Muff Snatcher memorial r~n. Muni tracker says N Judah in 12 minutes; we all know that means 30 minutes. The N Judah arrives packed like a death camp train, I managed to find Three Times a Virgin and her newbie Just Jemma we talked to JJ about the hash and to our surprise we were only five minutes behind the pack.
The trail traversed Golden Gate Park in its darkest areas. How do Fucker and Cuming Mutha know these places existed? Simple. They have been banned from Sperm Alley for lewd and luscious activities. They have branched out to the homeless encampments sites. “Sperm Alley is so 1989” confessed a wide-open mouth Fucker. The trail made a pit-stop to the place where San Francisco's own Voyeur took his last breath. CM led a Petit Syrah toast to Voyeur and Muff Snatcher.... Here’s to brother hasher, brother hasher, brother hasher…. He’s true blue. He tried to go to heaven but went the other way !
Do Her Well single handedly woman-handled the rowdy crowd into a quasi-circle. The pack listened intently as she called the first down down……
General Do Her Well called upon the Hash 69 Battalion 7th Infantry to receive their honors. Out came I'm Drunk, Weiner I am, Dr. Kimble, Closet Twitcher, Hot Dick, Jack the Ripper and SD hasher whose name escapes me at the moment. As a reward for their years of service and sacrifice in protecting our oil interests overseas they got to drink the cheapest American made beer. Cum Dog Millionaire was overheard shouting "my dream of blowing a seal will become reality tonight.” CDM, I say go to Pier 39 you’ll have better odds there to fulfill your fantasy!
Split Wide Open will quit drinking for the next nine months. It was also her birthday and she wanted a spanking machine as a present. Ska Skank Redemption ran all that data in her new Android Hash App and the answer? No hash baby. SWO is just a quitter. The Spanking Machine line formed and SWO crawled underneath it so fast like La Migra was on her ass.
There is nothing sexier than a girl explaining to a group of men how to bone it. Wee Wee All The Way Home captivated the crowd with her finesse account of how to de-bone it.... first you take it....lay horizontally ... gently feel it ... find the hard member and BAMM cut it with the sharp knife. A huge collective ouch was heard by almost all men that love their dicks. Skank's App Result: The Perfect Woman wasn’t heard shouting.
MasterBaster is bringing sexy back. MB has been circulating a retro 1985 photo of his mullet to anyone that could corner. The only good thing to come out of that picture was your down down. Skank’s App Says: New flash DICK !!! You were never sexy……. Ouch !
On All Fours was feeling extremely frisky after the Petit Sirah drink check. She came on strongly to me but I got cock-blocked by Cuming Mutha. She devised another plan: lay her driver's license on the ground and wait for a tall white boy to find it. Enter from the rear [No pun intended], Jizzard and Three Fingers.. OAF didn’t have enough from her rendezvous and needed one more victim to match her name’s sake. She claims to have been lost with Fucker for half an hour to find the on on in. Skank’s App says: I….Skank…. I no judge you !
East Oakland’s own Sister Fister is known for knocking the taste out of fools mouths. Don’t believe me? Ask MasterBaster’s chin. As part of her ex-gang banger rehabilitation program she has been mandated to perform 1,069 hours of public knitting. She was seen knitting man-kinis on BART for her homies in San Quintin. As a reward for completing her hours she got a down down and more pubic humiliation. Skank’s App Says: That’s 2,138 man-kinis which leaves.2,085 inmates free balling it.
The Johny Award of the night went to Millimeter Peter. mmP still doesn't know where his r~n will start next Monday. After taking a massive pole, I mean poll, the results were inconclusive about his sexuality or where the pack wanted to start next week. Wankers please be prepared to start anywhere in San Francisco’s 49 square miles.
The SF Hash has the street cred of being a racist kennel. Who knew that we would make fast Kenyans out of these wankers: Jack the Ripper, Hand Pump, and Muff Daddy. The crime as reported: they ran a 5k and podium on Sunday with their walkers. What’s the crime you ask? They were competing in the 69 and over category. Skank’s App says: Stupid Racist!
Deadbeat and Wrinklepecker DFL-ed the run missed the Voyeur wine check. As I looked for trail in Golden Gate Park, I recall seeing a couple resembling these love birds disappearing into the bushes. They received religion and drank the left over Petit Syrah to make Voyeur proud.
There was a sticky situation brewing at circle and RA extraordinary Do Her Well had to get her hands all over it. In order to make this bukake fest even better, she enlisted the help of Jizzard, Three Fingers, Sticky Hand and Three Times a Virgin. Skank's App result: Full 360 Facial !
Do Her Well confirmed what I have suspected in my 28 years living in the US of A. ALL tall white people look the same. DHW received her own down down for not telling Jizzard and Three Fingers apart. Skank’s Hash App: Where is Cherry Poppin?
Just Aaron and I had a moment at Voyeur's resting place. We exchanged looks and a quickie. I lent him my head lamp as a thank you for his services. Someone noticed our moment and reported it to Do Her Well. We drank happily for the. Skank's Hash App: JA might be pregnant.
Closet Twitcher knows a lot about cats and dogs. He serenaded the circle with an odd tune of a dog with intestines inside out and a big smile. As a resulted he drank with the Hash Kennel and their owners. Out came, Hold my Bitch, Slap a Bag of Dickz and Hepp C, Red Hot Vagina and Just Hepp and Flynn. CT was delighted to be surrounded by so much fur. Uncle Bad Touch led the way for the bestiality song and the crowd howled scaring all the bitches away from circle. Skank's App Results: NEVER EVER let CT take care your pets.
Virgins, Visitors & Returning Hashers
Returners: Three Times a Virgin, Three Fingers, Sticky Hand, Jizzard and Motormount. Three Times a Virgin made Just Jemma come while Just Reyna made Just Kim making the pack forget about all that sticky matter from the early down-down situation.
When: Monday Night. Duh!
Where: Somewhere flat in SF
Who: mm Peter
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