Wankers,It’s now10:17 AM, I just strolled into the office with big grim on my face. No I did not get any sex last night, I finally got some sleep without meds and without the drunks waking me up. It’s was cold at my desk so I put my jacket on, I reached into my pockets and found a handful of mutilated animal crackers from Just Masanori. I quickly put out of their misery: a camel with no toe, a headless zebra, mane less Lion and instead of doing my work I proceed to make sense of all my hand written chicken shit notes from the countless hours at my inspiration seat, the toilet. Crabs took it upon himself to write a trash but the hash ill-counselor sees a conflict of interest and prompted me to produce documents to discredit the bastard and confused the masses in the good old American way. Unlike you English speaking native, Tengo que escribir esta mierda en espanol y despues traducirla.......... Oh wait I forgot to hit translate on that sentence. Stupid ass Google translator is not working. Just like you Can't Rush Anal... I can't rush the trash, sometimes is constipated other times it flows like diarrhea.This is the product of my ESL English raw and unedited. if you have any issue with spelling and grammar called Miss Kim and let her know.
Captain O’s Secret Rum
It was a nipple erecting cold night where 57.5 wankers showed up to savor the rum cock-tail Backwash andCrabs produced together. Whose warm, creamy frothy mix was on top of the rum? No one in the pack seemed to care because it tasted ridiculously delicious. The pack moved restlessly awaiting master handler Crabs to open the gates to let the stampede begin, only for the pack to crawl out at Muni speed.
The hare duo pulled a nearly perfect trail; there was urban, higher-ed and park shiggy. There was blood on trail courtesy of mm Peter, banged up knees thanks to Slug, sex on trail thanks to Cherry Poppins and Hot Buns. Ahhh yes …..there was even a clandestine porn shoot in the depths of GG park. As the pack cruised on by we recognized the hash porn star In My Ass Dear performing his fluffing duties behind the scenes. I said nearly perfect because we lost two newbies, thanks to my hero Muff Snatcher for retrieving the girls from Raspukin’s Occupy GG Park camp. Nice try R!!
Circle was observed at the usual spot where the beer was abundant, the orange food endless and Crabswas on point with his name recollection. Before the circle started Crabs confessed to me the following as a tear ran on his left cheek……..“ GSL I really miss the Whole Blowout, she cool, she funny, she HOT and she does my job”
Slug was not only brought up for her kneeling skills, it was also her 29th birthday for the 7th time. A big Happy Birthday Fuck You to you as well as No Shit & Can’t Rush Anal
MC Check [Twix… Kit Kat…Jackie Chang Chuck Norris] was singled out for having an encounter in the airplane bathroom…. Spoiler alert!! Not the sexual kind. The love birds, Fixed Queer and MCC reunited last weekend at Bean Town. The couple said their goodbyes at Boston Logan Airport and MC Check was on United Flight 418 on route back to SF. The plane reached 34,969 miles above sea level when MCCfound himself in this dilemma: seated in the middle seat, flanked by two hot Korean chicks that did not speak engrish + no puke bag large enough for the barf that had been brewing in the belly of the beast. In a desperate moment he makes a mad dash to the bathroom out past the snoozing undercover air marshals and BAMMM !! the fury unleashed to the bathroom for the next 7 minutes….The projectile matter shot at 22 mph and the barf fest had begun….there was shit on, in, up, down and around that poor little bathroom hell even that oval window above the John got some of the action.
Your truly observed religion for getting my hand stuck in Tasty Snatch’s fishy box…The rum wasn’t the only item this night which included unknown warm frothy mix. Who loves you short time?
Since the gay population in the hash has gone almost extinct, Soap Scum was forced to do the unthinkable: honeymooning with Tasty Snatch in Hawaii….I thought he was straight gay but now he likes girls? Soap Scum is now the most hated bachelor. “We used to see him as a friendly … now he’s competition that needs to be dealt with accordingly” expressed the president of the Hash Playas Union, Oh Shit!
Motor Mount was singled out for laying to the P.T.A or P.E.T or P.E.T.A. about his availability to attend the night’s meeting. “I have a previously scheduled social run in my agenda that I can’t miss” expressed MM on his message to the group. It is nice to know your priorities when it comes to your son’s education. Thanks toJizzard for reporting this lame ass crime.
Just Brent Fox was overheard saying to Crabs in the bushes “I’ll do anything you want for a name” Crabs politely declined as he closed his zipper. JBF we will get you a nice name like Prison Wallet in due time. In the mean time enjoy your r~n and beers. You are the first wanker to fall for Crabs most infamous line but I still love you… short time.
The Johnny Award of the night went to mm Peter for getting his bike wheel stuck on the Muni rail line and getting banged up. He suffered minor lacerations to his legs and a penile hairline fracture. Ouch and Ouch.mm P: listen and listen clearly we do not care to see your body parts unless have tits … Nice Cracksays…. ‘Tits out for the boys’
RA extraordinaire Crabs called upon No Shit; who walked a little slowly and bold legged to the circle. The pack speculated the seasoned power bottom had a rough Sunday at his B-day orgy. NS was injured at Boot Camp for Dummies. He suffered a third degree burn on his left testicle and anal cavity lacerations while attempting to repel from a 5’ long rope. We thank you for not showing us your injured body parts!
Virgins, Visitors & Returning Hashers
We had four newbies and we lost two, I still can’t remember any of their names. Whoever said alcohol is killing my brain cell is lying. In any case the fall’s newbie crop was very fruitful; they listened and followed directions very well as Just Doesn’t Get It showed them the ropes on how to properly do a down down.
Mister Hot Buns visited Cherry Poppins for their anal let’s pick up boys at the Castro
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