Thousands of years ago, before Mexicans, the Egyptians decided it would be a good idea to take Jews on as manual laborers. The complaining started immediately and did not stop. Egyptians wondered, “how can they complain so much and be so loud?” The Jews continued their whining until God finally said, “Fuck this. Just shut up already! I’ll set you free.”
So God conducted a Rube Goldberg Machine https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Rube_Goldberg_machine of a plan to free the jews involving snakes and talking bushes, blood rain, frogs, etc.
The Jews said, "very nice, but couldn't you just free us? I mean your God after all and the dust from these pyramids are irritating our sinuses!" And god spoketh onto the Israelites and said, "I am the lord your God. And I came up with this plan that is bigly good. It will be great. It will be huge. The Jews will be so sick of winning"
So there were 10 plagues. And the Jews crossed the Red Sea, which still left them with wet socks. Finally the Jews were out of Egypt and God tried to tell them how to get to the Land of Beer and Money. But the Jews just wouldn’t shut up. So after his 30th try God said, “Fuck these guys, you’re on your own!”
The Jews wandered the desert and refused to ask directions, in spite of their wives insisting they needed to ask directions. And if the heat wasn’t bad enough, I don’t want to tell you about their terrible bunions. It was awful! And the only podiatrist around charged a fortune for Orthopedic shoe inserts and it wasn’t covered on their health insurance plan without meeting a $1000 deductible first! So the Jews spent hours on the phone complaining to insurance company representatives and finally God said, “Fine, you can have them for half price, just shut up already.” And the Jews reluctantly paid, but still complained that it was too much for basically some rubber and foam.
And finally, the Jews got to Israel after 40 years and God let them live independently for awhile before allowing them to be conquered repeatedly by various armies. And then God disappeared forever. And because of this great miracle, Jews have a 4 hour meal with food that will constipate you for days. And that is why we are having this trail.
Join the Jews on an odyssey to find the long lost land of Israel, 40 beers in the desert. Trail will be about 4.8 miles with a 10 plague drink check and manichevitz. We will also pass the tallest point in San Francisco.
Start at Ruth Asawa School of the Arts
On In!